Remembering a turning point in my mental health

In 2004, ten years after I was diagnosed with my mental health condition, I experienced a minor miracle that led to a major improvement in the trajectory that I had been headed on.

That whole previous decade had been spent moving from place to place, from one job to another, and cycling through hospitals with little or no progress.

I had ended up back at home with my parents in 2000, having been defeated once again.

I was immediately asked to serve on the local county mental health board as their consumer member, which I eagerly accepted. (I ended up successfully serving for two full terms, which was 8 years total.)

At the same time in 2000, I was asked to teach a mental health recovery class sponsored by NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill)

From 2000 to 2004, I felt like a total hypocrite, again having to be hospitalized a couple more times during that time.

One major common denominator in all the previous 10 years of relapses was the fact that at some point in each deterioration, I stopped taking my medication and would, quite frankly, wind up somewhere close to hell, another dead end.

In the summer of 2004, I was in my bedroom, and the anxiety and racing thoughts started to kick in again. I acutely felt that dreaded spiraling cycle in me again. I recognized at that point that if I were to run again it would be that same living death and dead end. 

I distinctly remember praying to God and making the decision at that crucial point to stay on my medication.

I told God that I was going to give the medication a chance to work, and I went out on our back porch, where my dad was sitting, and told him that I needed to get to the emergency room to be treated.

That ability to make that decision at that crucial point, I consider to be a minor miracle.

I was treated for a month in the hospital, and though that was difficult, as it always is, my life improved dramatically from that point forward.

I had broken through to the other side and was allowing God to heal me with the help of modern medicine. No more doubts.

I have remained medication compliant to this day, some 22 years later.