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I am a Catholic

  I’m a single man, a lay Catholic, and happy to be one. I’m 59 years old right now, and Jesus saved me when I was a young man in college. E...

Saturday, September 26, 2026

A day of college football and a little writing


I was going to DoorDash today but decided to take a day off to enjoy some college football on t.v. and write a chapter or two of my next book.

I'm an Ohio State alum with an engineering degree, but unfortunately, as a young man, I had to work and even sell my student football tickets (sometimes during big games)  to get by financially.

I needed a breather today to relax and enjoy the game on t.v. today.

I also wanted to set aside some time to keep adding a couple more chapters to the new book I am writing.

I hope you can find time to relax and enjoy something or create.


Monday, September 21, 2026

The Horror of the Passion and Death of God on the Cross




This is not a post meant to induce a sense of guilt in anyone.

Though it deals with a very difficult subject (or Truth, according to the Faith) to understand, it is, in its essence, the ultimate source of our hope as individuals and all of humanity itself.

My observations here in this post regarding Christ's Passion and Death are nothing "new" or original to mature and faithful Christians. (I hope and pray that I may be considered and remain one in my walk with Our Lord and my brothers and sisters in faith.)

A lot of my early appreciation of God's love for me, as for most Christians, began in my family and the church we attended growing up.

We never were, nor are we, a perfect family, or was it a perfect church to which we belonged? Of course not.

What was very obvious to me, and hopefully to my siblings too, was the love and concern for the welfare of all that our parents had for us as well as that of our friends and relatives.

Admittedly, some very difficult problems existed for us to deal with as a family.

The love and concern that my parents had for their children as well as our extended family and friends was never in doubt to us, though.

As a child, the faith was a comforting mystery to me, which was present in the beauty of the Sunday school classes we attended and, for me, in the beauty of the Divine Liturgy (we were raised in a Serbian Orthodox Christian church). 

There were some very good Christians whom I can still remember to this day who were a part of our childhood. 

My parents met as young adults while singing in the choir there. (If you've never heard the music of any Eastern Orthodox Divine Liturgy being sung, I highly recommend listening to it once online.) Pretty sacred and awe-inspiring, in my opinion.)

My first impression of Christ's Passion and Death came as we watched the director Franco Zeffirelli's movie "Jesus of Nazareth" when it was on t.v. way back in the 70s. 

I loved that movie. 

My family was never "jewelry Christians," but my mom made sure later that there was always a Crucifix or two hanging on the wall (one in our kitchen and in our bedroom).

When I converted to Catholicism as a young adult, I can vividly remember an old Dominican friar at the parish I belonged to in Columbus, Ohio, gently reminding us during his homily at Mass that the crucifix has always been the definitive symbol of the Faith in the Catholic Church throughout the ages.

Later, I learned that the Church often referred to the Eternal Image Crucifixion as the "Tree of Life," from which all salvation and grace flowed.

I have my dad's old bedroom wall crucifix (he passed in 2025) hanging on the wall, which I look up at now and then, and which marks my little living space here in my apartment as that of a Christian.

Sacred images are not idols in any sense.

They are reminders of Sacred Christian Truths revealed to us by Christ, His Church and the Wholeness of Scripture.

My understanding of this symbol of Faith and the historically documented Passion and Death of Christ, as borne witness to by members of His Church throughout the ages, can be expressed in the following excerpt that I share below. 

I hope that it is accurate and helps understand the depth of God's love for all of us.


The Physical Horror: Roman Crucifixion
From a historical perspective, crucifixion was designed by the Roman Empire to be the ultimate form of torture, humiliation, and public deterrence.
  • Severe Scourging: Prior to crucifixion, Jesus was subjected to flagellation with a flagrum (a whip laced with bone and lead pieces), which tore skin and muscle down to the bone, causing severe blood loss and traumatic shock.
  • Asphyxiation: The primary cause of death in crucifixion was not blood loss, but slow suffocation. To breathe, the victim had to painfully push themselves up using their nailed feet, placing immense stress on shattered nerves.
  • Public Degradation: Victims were stripped completely naked, exposed to the elements, mocked by onlookers, and left for scavengers, entirely stripping away human dignity.
The Theological Horror: The Ultimate Substitution
For believers, the true horror of the Passion extends far beyond physical pain into the spiritual realm, centering on the concept of substitutionary atonement.
  • The Weight of Total Sin: Theologians posit that Jesus did not just die for humanity; he bore the collective weight of all human evil, cruelty, depravity, and guilt throughout history.
  • Spiritual Isolation: The most agonizing moment of the Passion is often identified as the Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani? ("My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"). This represents the horror of absolute abandonment—where the Son, who had existed in perfect unity with the Father for eternity, experienced the crushing darkness of complete separation from God.
  • The Paradox of the Creator's Death: In Christian tradition, the Passion presents the ultimate existential paradox: the immortal Creator of the universe voluntarily submitting to torment and death at the hands of His own creation.







Friday, September 18, 2026

Has God let you down?


I used to think that, honestly.

As a young man enthralled by Christ and His Church, I dove in headfirst, so to speak.

In all honesty, I was desperate. He comforted me through the witness of a very special friend of His, in my opinion, a man who, at a young age, faced severe head trauma and permanently debilitating physical injuries.

This man's testimony, a good friend of the family, a West Point graduate and Army Ranger, struck me to the core when I was an engineering student and changed the course of my life forever.

I'll be honest, it hasn't been easy for me these many years either.

I'll also surmise that we both know we were and are sinners, but we're grateful for the Divine Mercy God has shown both of our families and us.

Again, the question: Has God let you down?

He has taught me that I don't like suffering. I don't like being what the world would consider a failure at everything I have tried to better myself.

Yes, He has brought me to my knees in great humility before the Throne of God Himself.

Seems like a pretty cruel God that I believe in, right?

I have to ask you, what are you chasing? (If anything) In this world.

I ask myself that question every day, to be honest.

You are either going down, or you are going up.

I definitely want to go up.

I'm pretty sure that most people do and don't even think to ask the question.

I will answer the question. Yes. God has indeed let me down.

He has told me that my time here is not yet up and to do everything in MY power to make my dreams come true.

He will be waiting with open arms in the end.

Life is a gift. Embrace it, struggle with it, and fight like a good son or daughter for your place at the table of abundance.




Friday, September 11, 2026

Be a divine imitator and create




Woke up this morning with a start from a dream. It wasn't a bad dream, but I was engrossed in it.

I got my breakfast and coffee, shaved, took a shower, and got dressed for the day.

When I woke up, it was like an energy burst that just enlivened me. I hope you have had that experience. It is quite startling yet pleasurable. 

Too often, we start to get dragged down by the "weight of the world" sometimes. (Maybe not for some.) 

But for deep thinkers, it can be a call to lay your head down for a moment and reconnect with our all-merciful and loving God. Then BOOM, alive again. Refreshed and ready to move.

Sin is real. God's love is more real and more powerful.




Tuesday, September 8, 2026

Extended holiday... and a good apple


I actually worked through the Labor Day weekend and am taking my holiday today.

I did DoorDash, and it was surprisingly busy for a holiday weekend. I have a good friend in another city who works for Uber, and he said he was thinking of going out too. 

I like delivering food, being outside, and having a flexible schedule. I have a good group of friends here locally that I meet for lunch a couple of times a month. I don't have to worry about missing our meals out. They are mostly retired, and I, being considered an independent contractor, can make the time easily as well.

Today I am enjoying my peace and quiet.

Getting a couple of hopefully helpful posts out and enjoying the good weather. 

I'm going to catch up on some reading too. I am about 2/3s the way through Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov and have to enjoy that for a while.

I also have to clean up the apartment a bit. Just getting things back in order. A once-a-week or so job.

Right now I'm enjoying a fresh, locally grown Honeycrisp apple. I made a trip to a fruit farm this morning.

Small blessings can go a long way. 

Take care of your physical, mental, and spiritual health. 

Get help if you need to.

Life is worth living. (I didn't make that one up, but have found it to be quite true.)



Here's to a new day starting


I sincerely hope that you can look forward to a new day starting again.

I know quite well from very distant, now-past experience that this seems impossible, particularly if you are experiencing the deepest throes of mental illness, as I did as a young man, newly diagnosed after leaving the Catholic seminary.

Know that there is help out there. I sought God first for what I didn't understand at the time to be the effects of childhood depression and mood swings later in college.

This eventually led me to accept help from good mental health professionals (I never accepted help from the bad ones).

I am grateful to have an excellent family doctor as well as a very good psychiatric provider. I assure you, most of them have been very good over the years.

I have been blessed also with some good, long-time friendships. 

If you are reading this post, know that I am praying for you in writing it.

I can only express what has and hasn't "worked" for me in all of this, and I know that each of us is a unique person with unique experiences and situations.

God bless you, my friend.


Sunday, August 23, 2026

Never give up!



You may be down. You may be out. 

God loves you!

Believe it.

Cast off everything that keeps you down.

The fight is worth it.

You are worth it.

You DESERVE to see the mountaintop.

You deserve the respect that is due to you.

Be peaceful. Be calm. Know that the Lord endured Hell itself for you.

When all is dark. When all is night. Know that morning shines bright.

Get help. When you're in need. Worthy you. Are just indeed.

Separate. From sins indeed. We are but unworthy servants, true.

Know that you're loved. By Him indeed. You will survive. You will surely thrive.

Embark with us. Unworthy brethren. On our search for earthly heaven.

Now is the time. To stand and reckon. Ourself and others. The Heavenly beckon.

Right here, right now. This minute so. We stand before Thee. Oh, us brought low.

We do not envy. We do not seek. To be relieved of ending bleak.

All come to an end. All come to joy. Give up not thee. For time will show.

That you are worthy. Of God's own gift. Of life abundant. In here and now.

I do not know. Why, when or how. Just that He's good. And we shall plow.

Good earth today. Tomorrow too. It is a life. For you and me. Please don't ask how.

Evermore, evermore, lasting breath of health. Let us enjoy Your everlasting wealth.

One friend. One comrade. That is all we ask. As we take up our perilous task.

We are not God. We are not sin. Help us enter into the inner room within.

You are a joy.

You are a Friend.

This is not desperation. This is not the end.

We seek Thee true. You are our bliss.

Thank You, my Lord. I'm not remiss.

Our Lady Love. You are above.

Lend Thee our prayers, to Him above.

It's so confusing. Yes, right now. You are the "Whom," "What," "When," and "How."