Never give up!

You may be down. You may be out. 

God loves you!

Believe it.

Cast off everything that keeps you down.

The fight is worth it.

You are worth it.

You DESERVE to see the mountaintop.

You deserve the respect that is due to you.

Be peaceful. Be calm. Know that the Lord endured Hell itself for you.

When all is dark. When all is night. Know that morning shines bright.

Get help. When you're in need. Worthy you. Are just indeed.

Separate. From sins indeed. We are but unworthy servants, true.

Know that you're loved. By Him indeed. You will survive. You will surely thrive.

Embark with us. Unworthy brethren. On our search for earthly heaven.

Now is the time. To stand and reckon. Ourself and others. The Heavenly beckon.

Right here, right now. This minute so. We stand before Thee. Oh, us brought low.

We do not envy. We do not seek. To be relieved of ending bleak.

All come to an end. All come to joy. Give up not thee. For time will show.

That you are worthy. Of God's own gift. Of life abundant. In here and now.

I do not know. How, when or how. Just that He's good. And we shall plow.

Good earth today. Tomorrow too. It is a life. For you and me. Please don't ask how.

Evermore, evermore, lasting breath of health. Let us enjoy Your everlasting wealth.

One friend. One comrade. That is all we ask. As we take up our perilous task.

We are not God. We are not sin. Help us enter into the inner room within.

You are a joy.

You are a Friend.

This is not desperation. This is not the end.

We seek Thee true. You are our bliss.

Thank You, my Lord. I'm not remiss.

Our Lady Love. You are above.

Lend Thee our prayers, to Him above.

It's so confusing. Yes, right now. You are the "Whom," "What," "When," or "How."

The power of good sleep

Note: this is not me giving you medical advice if you don't sleep well. If you don't, you need to talk to your doctor. I'm just giving you my experience.

I am very fortunate that I keep a pretty regular sleep schedule. About 7-9 hours per night.

That wasn't always the case, though. A very long time ago (maybe 25 years), I had a good doctor who was trying to help me regulate my sleep. 

He really emphasized something called "sleep hygiene" (I know, sounds so clinical), but after practicing it for a while, it really changed things for me for the better.

For me, now that means all screens off at least an hour before bedtime.

I even limit my reading time during that period so as not to overstimulate my mind before sleeping.

I do take that time to sit or lie there in the quiet and practice some mindfulness and say my prayers. I include a quick review of what I plan to do tomorrow.

Oh yeah, I have a strict rule of no caffeine (mainly coffee) after noon.

And nothing fizzy as well before bed.

I do like to eat a light snack and a glass of whole milk before bed.

That's about it for me. I know everybody is different, but fortunately I'm a pretty good sleeper.

Why did I write about sleep today? I spent the day again DoorDashing and came home and took a quick nap. Really helped.

Thought I'd write about it.

Are you able to enjoy peace and quiet for the gift that it is?

Now I like the company of good friends and even co-workers, but I have also come to greatly appreciate the gift of my alone time over the years.

Far from being a sterile, boring desert of isolation and loneliness, it can be a personal space for growth and reflection.

It can be a great opportunity for creativity. (You don't need to be a "master" at anything (except possibly yourself) to enjoy the creative arts.

Everything in moderation, though, and in due time.

I had a football coach in high school who saw me struggling to bench press some weights as a puny little, underdeveloped freshman, and he saw my frustration. He smiled at me, appreciating my effort, and assured me that "well, Rome wasn't built in a day".

Life is a gift. Take some time to appreciate it.

Latest reading... The Brothers Karamozov

Now I, like a lot of people, like writing, but I really like reading in my spare time, as I have said before. Especially the classics.

Believe me, I have no delusions as to my own meager creative abilities. I just like writing and sharing what I think might enrich some people's lives, simple as it may be. I certainly don't do it for the money.

At the moment, I am reading and am halfway through The Brothers Karamozov by Dostoevsky.

The author, in my opinion, is a real genius at expressing the broad range of the human condition and emotions through his characters and stories. (At least this one)

I won't bore you with any more literary criticism.

Just hope you have some healthy go-tos to relax and hopefully enrich your life.

It's all about living a balanced life. 

I like working, spending time with friends, watching a baseball game, etc,  playing a little golf...

If this seems out of reach for you at the moment, just know that a long time ago, when I was first dealing with a bipolar diagnosis at the age of 26, it seemed out of reach to me too.

Gradually, over time, things get better.

If you think you need professional help, get it. 

That's not your identity; it's just a wound or injury like any other that needs to be dealt with. 

Okay, no more preaching.

Have a great day.

 

If you don't have a sense of humor, Catholicism probably isn't for you... if you know, you know.

 

Now my dad (pictured above a few years before his death) was the most faithful and kindest man I know, but he had the rare ability to separate what actually matters from the b.s.

He didn't vocalize that much or make fun of people, but he recognized the total narcissism in people, particularly of his generation.

Did that get him down? Sometimes.

All I can tell you is that he suffered well. Loved his family and friends. And died very peacefully.

His faith mattered, and he loved to bring humor to his loved ones when appropriate.

One of his grandsons bought him the hat shown in the picture, and he wore it proudly.

The older I get, Dad, the more I appreciate it.

Alas, I have many years left in me, and fortunately I have good friends with good senses of humor to share them with.

Boredom... this is a good video from a YouTube Psychiatrist

 Some practical advice from a mental health professional:

Okay, some real art I happened upon and like

 

I just got done doing an online evaluation to be a remote AI trainer for a reputable company (wish me luck) and thought I did pretty well, but you never know.

I've had some time during my breaks to reflect on the positive (and negative) influences that organized religion has had on me over the years, and I'm particularly sensitive to how God is portrayed in a lot of art throughout the ages. 

Some of it "speaks" to me as true, and some of it definitely does not from my experience, but I am just one subjective person like everyone else. To each his own, I suppose.

This is one of the Holy Trinity I really appreciate.

This isn't a fear-inducing or threatening image of the Trinitarian God.

Do I have the fear of God in me? Definitely yes! But that is because I know the lengths that he was willing to go and what he is willing to put me through to save me from myself, mainly.

More of my simplistic attempts at artwork dedicated to the Immaculate Conception

I had that urge again to create something visual. I know, it's pretty simplistic and childish as usual, but there is real value in the creative act. Therapeutically and just for fun.

Anyway, in the Catholic Church, the month of August is dedicated to the Immaculate Conception, which we believe is Mary, the Mother of Jesus (God).

Mary, like every other human being, had to be saved by God, but the Church teaches that she is unique in that she was preserved from the "stain" of original sin at the moment of her conception to be Christ's human mother as well as the "Mother" of the Church and all Christians.

She, through the sheer grace of God, remained sinless during her natural life here on Earth.

That's the best I can do to explain it, and I hope that it is an accurate statement, if not entirely complete, which I apologize for.

If you have recourse to her for whatever reason, she always points and directs you to her Son, Jesus Christ.

We know that Jesus, as a true human and True God, perfectly kept the commandments, and of course that includes "Honor thy mother and father". 

That is why she is held in such high esteem.

Are you able to see Jesus as your Friend

 

I know many Christians experience Jesus as "Lord" and "Master," which He indeed is for all of us; I have no doubt of that, but are you able to experience Him truly as a Friend in the best sense of the word?

I have come to appreciate more and more the old Christian hymn "What a friend we have in Jesus" as time has moved on for me and as I have deepened my relationship with and worship of Him as True God and true man.

Having been raised in the Eastern Orthodox tradition, I still retain, even as a practicing Roman Catholic now, a deep affinity for the iconography of the Eastern Christian churches.

In writing this post, I happened upon this ancient icon of Jesus as Friend, and it really "spoke" to my spirit and experience of this relationship with Him now.

Here's to good, human, and Divine friendships.

They truly make life worth living.

How I found relief from deep mental anguish and mental illness

I am 59 years old right now and have lived and worked with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder since I was 26 years old, way back in 1993.

I had graduated from The Ohio State University in 1990 with a degree in Aerospace Engineering.

I had good friends in school, as I did growing up, but I had always kept my inner struggle with depression and internal mood swings hidden from my family and friends.

It wasn't until I underwent a profound conversion in my heart to Christ and His love later in college (though I was raised in a loving, though flawed Christian family) and after my conversion to Catholicism and experienced the profound impact that confession and the Eucharist had on me that I had the youthful, if naive idea that I wanted to be a priest.

I had a good parish priest who instructed us regarding Catholicism and welcomed me into the Catholic Faith. He had a very positive influence on me, and he had a good sense of humor, too.

Somehow, I found myself in a very good, though very controversial, seminary for a summer-long "test your call" candidacy program.

Though I had expressed my doubts to the priests who were leading us that summer as to whether I thought I was "called" to be there (the rigor of the seminary life intensified my inner feelings of anguish and doubt), they nevertheless encouraged me to finish out the summer, and as I felt I had no other choice at the time, I did.

There were some very positive aspects of the experience, but I felt very uneasy about it all.

It produced a lot of ambivalence in me, and I simply couldn't make a choice as to what I wanted to do and left it in God's hands.

Finally, at the end of the summer, about 30 other young candidates and I, who had made it, began a 7-day silent retreat to prepare to enter what is known as the Novitiate, where the next phase of religious training would begin.

I made it to the 6th day of the retreat, each day having become more and more exhausted, mentally and physically.

The full story as to how I first found relief from the mental health community at that time can be found in my new 50-page book that is an account of that summer and its aftermath.

Below is an image of the cover and a link to where you can purchase it (right now on Lulu.com bookstore, but soon to be available in wider distribution on Amazon and other outlets.

You may or may not find it interesting, but hopefully it can help some people out there.

John's Hopkin's researcher affirms prayer as a timeless, free tool for maintaining brain health

 When I have free time, I sometimes happen upon this Johns Hopkins researcher's videos concerning caregiving and its effects on brain health, but this particular one caught my eye especially because of its scientific affirmation of prayer on brain health.

It is obvious from my writings, blog, and website contain a lot of religious material, and I think it has positively helped me deal with and recover from a chronic mental health condition. 

Reminder: Medication therapy remains my bedrock absolute to maintain my mental health always and every day.

Good Youtube from a psy doc regarding mental health

I came across this video while glancing through YouTube and found it to be very true from my own experiences a long, long time ago when I was starting to get treatment for my bipolar diagnosis.

I hope it helps someone today.

I pray that if you recognize any of these signs in you, you seek good, healing, professional help from a trained physician.

As I have stated many times, I am not a mental health professional and only share my content in hopes that people struggling with mental health issues reach out for good, professional help. It is worth it.

A reminder: I take my meds religiously (and as you can see from my various posts, I'm kind of a religious person. lol. 

Religion aside. Here's to good mental health support and advocacy.

Morning update on a few things

 

Just a couple of quick updates on things I've been working on:

First, my new job search.

I have a phone appointment today with Opportunities for Ohioans with Disabilities to see if they can help me find a "regular" job to replace or supplement my current one as a DoorDasher (it's kind of putting a lot of miles and wear and tear on my car, though it has been a true blessing for me since my dad passed last year)

If OOD is not able to help, then I will intensify my search on my own to try to find the added work.

Second, my Bible reading progress.

I mentioned a while ago that following my dad's example during the last 5 years of his life, I've begun reading through Scripture from beginning to end.

Well, I am up to the Book of Numbers, Chapter 7, and find it fascinating mainly because I can see it through the eyes of our present-day Church teachings. Otherwise I'd be totally confused. In that light, I can sort of make sense of it as it all points to Jesus Christ and His mission and His role as Savior and God. Otherwise I'd be totally confused.

I found that I had to balance out reading the Old Testament with reading the New Testament as well and am currently reading the Gospel of John. It's remarkable when you try to understand the Bible as a whole and in context.

Like I said, I am grounded in the Catholic faith, and that provides some guidance to me as I work my way through it all.

Third, my efforts to maintain a balanced, normal life.

I keep in close contact with my good friends and try to get some healthy recreation in regularly.

Unfortunately, I haven't been able to get on the golf course yet this year but hope remains!

Until I get this work situation resolved, I'll have to make due with going for walks, reading regular books and watching my favorite sports on t.v.

Lightening up with a little Shakepeare comedy

Lest I get too caught up in my religious leanings, I do like to read regular books to keep me grounded.

I kind of like the classics, but didn't need something heavy at the moment, so I picked up a copy (Kindle) of the Complete Works of William Shakespeare. (It was really cheap, actually.)

I perused the contents and decided that I needed a little comedy in my life right now, so I started reading The Comedy of Errors and am almost finished. 

It is great! (Though I had to read the Wikipedia summary to get a clearer sense of what was going on.)

The vivid language and comical rhymes are amazing.

Spoiler alert: It has a great happy ending notwithstanding the tense, yet comical, first 3 Acts.

It's very down-to-earth and funny. I can see why Shakespeare is so revered. 

Thank you, Mr. Shakespeare and Wikipedia. You made my day.

Hope you have something to turn to to balance out your psyche too.

Two images of Christ on my walls

I have two images of Christ on my walls, opposite each other in my apartment.

The first is a crucifix that hung on my dad's old bedroom wall during the last 15 years of his life, and so has special meaning to me.

He endured a lot during that time, but each healing brought even greater times of fulfillment for him, especially with family and friends. He died last year at 93 with a smile on his face.

The second is one that I struggled with at times because I had trust issues with Jesus. Notice the wording on the image: "Jesus, I trust in You!"

(I had a bad experience in a Catholic seminary as a young man.) 

I found out that He quite understands and doesn't blame me.

He knows what we've all been through and what we do or don't need at any particular moment.

These images are reminders for me as I go about my daily business.

I like them.

Solitude vs. loneliness

 

Good morning.

As I start the day, I am thinking of what I consider to be two sides of the same coin. 

Namely, solitude and loneliness.

The first is a gift, and the latter is, quite frankly, a curse, in my experience.

Now I have experienced both at various times in my life, and to me it comes down to my making a choice when the occasion arises.

What do I want? Do I want to thrive, or do I want to merely endure and suffer?

Both states can be totally in touch with reality. 

The more we see the benefits of one and the harm of the other, the more we can practice making that choice throughout our lives.

Both solitude and loneliness arise from the same occasion or accidental situation.

A comparison (you can look it up):

"Solitude is the state of being alone, often by choice. 

Unlike loneliness—which carries an involuntary, painful feeling of isolation—solitude is generally a positive, constructive, and peaceful experience of being present with oneself. It is commonly used for reflection, creativity, and spiritual growth."

Personal reflection: 

Now being able to make a choice between the two states given a particular circumstance is, in my experience, like training a muscle. Every opportunity to make a choice either brings us closer or farther from fulfillment.

Ask yourself the question, "What do I want?"

Make a choice: will I embrace the gift or not?

For me, that awareness of the ability to choose started way back when I was 26 years old (I am now 59) when I had reached my limit mentally, emotionally, and physically while under great stress in a Catholic seminary.

I reached out for help and eventually was given GREAT relief from medication therapy.

Since that time, my relationships improved as well as my ability to work and be productive. The ability to make choices between growth and stagnation.

The sun will come up... a personal belief

 

I am kind of stuck in my apartment today because of an arthritic knee, and I needed some color, beauty, and creativity to brighten my day.

I know, it's pretty simplistic, but it did cheer me up a bit as I contemplate my financial plight and my prospects for going back to "regular" work after serving as my father's main caregiver until a year ago.

The mind can be a wonderful and brutal thing on its own.

Anyway, as a Christian, I do believe that there is a beautiful sunrise waiting for the faithful, but I just am not ready to put that off until the afterlife to realize it.

There is too much life in me still.

Let this little illustration be my prayer for the realization of some temporal dreams of mine.

Christ, hear us.

Christ, graciously hear us.

Funny pic

 

I have to admit. When I have free time, I sometimes end up scrolling FB like a lot of people.

Most of the content I just glance at and run right by, but this funny (to me) illustration caught my eye and gave me a heartfelt chuckle.

Kudos to the cartoonist.

The horrors of perfectionism

 

As one who has suffered dearly in the past from scrupulosity and perfectionism, it is my sincere prayer for you right now (if you need it) that you break these bonds that may be binding you.

I'm sitting here trying to write a meaningful post, and I don't really know what to say on the subject other than may you find grace and peace knowing that God loves you right now just as you are and wants the best for you. He knows us from the inside out and only wants us to grow and thrive.

I know for a very hard-learned fact that God's love is greater than our own limitations, as well as the people, places, and things that may be keeping us tied up or causing us anxiety and pain.

I won't draw this post out. Know that you are loved by a God who wants you to be truly free.

And then there was light! (The power was out for 3 days)

 

We had a tornado and macroburst pass right over us this past Sunday and have been without power for over 3 days.

It was odd not having any light or a refrigerator or an electric stove in the apartment. That's the longest power outage I've ever been in and it was a testing experience.

No t.v., no internet, no fan or a/c in this heat.

I tried to look at it positively and to learn something from it.

It was somewhat of an unintended electricity "fasting."

What did I learn? We become so dependent on things (in this case electronics) that when they are taken away, we are left with a sense of void that must be filled.

I felt something similar (though obviously more profound) when I lost my dad at 93 last year. Everything at home suddenly felt unfamiliar for a while.

We get attached to people and things. That is normal. But when we lose them, it is a great learning moment for me that God is always with us.

He was with me during the loss of my father, and he was with me during this relatively minor loss of power in comparison.

Thank you, Lord, for being there when we suffer loss.

Thank you for seeing us through the darkness and into the light.